Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness.
— Bertrand Russell on Alcohol use
Like every teenager growing up i was exposed to alcoholic drinks and cigarettes (A&C). At one point, everyone in school was doing it. Bunking lessons and smoking on the fire escapes. I wanted to try a cigarette but I also wanted to stay away from it. I knew my parents would be mad if they found out. All my friends were doing it including my best buddy from back then. The two of us would always get in trouble back in the day. We were that duo the teachers hate, it always felt like they were waiting for us to do something wrong so they could punish us. Thing is we enjoyed breaking the rules, what could have been more fun? Back then if we were told to do something we would do just the opposite. we had no clue where we were heading or what we were doing half the time. it was just fun and games all day. my buddy indulged in fermented liqueurs and cigarettes, I didn’t however. I don’t know why but at that point in life I didn’t really care for it as much.
As I grew up I became more exposed to A&C. the first cigarette I smoked was at the age of sixteen. i remember being upset and a friend offered me one and I just thought “why not?” I regret that moment, for having taken it. I could have stopped myself but i put it between my lips and lit it. It didn’t stop there. It wasn’t just the one, I started smoking regularly. All my friends were doing it. Somehow it seemed cool at that time. It was like the new thing. little did I know that it was ruining me. you see i was an athlete. I did many sports; Tennis, Swimming and Athletics. I was very active but the smoking was slowly deteriorating my body. I would tire out so easily. I couldn’t play for as long as I used to. Somehow around that time I was also influenced into taking alcohol. I would get drunk with friends or my cousins. I stopped all sports completely. you’d think that was it. my penultimate year in school I took marijuana for the first time. It wasn’t a good experience though. I had a panic attack and I passed out right away in backyard of the house opposite my school at around 11pm in the night. you might wonder why I was at school that late in the night. There was an astrological event I was attending at school that night. I managed to get myself home and slept it off. It was a bad trip. The panic attack didn’t put me off I smoked it a couple more times before I went off to university. I also got caught smoking in my room to my mom. She was disappointed in me and that really hurt me a great deal.
Out here at university I had all the freedom to do whatever it was that I wanted: Party, drink, smoke. There wasn’t really anything stopping me from doing anything. I don’t know what it was but something came over me. I bought a pack of cigarettes and I smoke one my first week in university. For some reason I hated it. Something my mom said to me before I left for university hit me. I threw away the pack and I sat down on my bedroom floor and cried. My mom told me “if ever you find a cigarette in your hand think of me before you smoke it.” I couldn’t get her words out of my head. I felt like I betrayed her. That feeling that I got impacted me and I stopped smoking. I even avoid hanging around people who smoked. I developed a disgust towards it. That disgust spread to alcohol as well and I stopped that as well. I wanted to get my life back, my body back, back to how it used to be before I took all these intoxications.
I started swimming again at the university gym. My first day I only managed to swim 50m, thats just 2 lengths. I was ashamed of myself and what had happened to me. I used to take part in competitions back in the day, but here I was standing in the pool regretting what I had done to myself. I didn’t let it get me down. I used that regret as motivation. I started to swim religiously for a week and by the end of it. My efforts rendered fruitful. I managed to swim 40 lengths, 1000m. I was claiming my life back. I felt like I was back in control, back where I wanted to be. I continued to push myself and I even took part in a charity swimming completion called the Swimathon with a group of friends. I didn’t stop there either. I started working out. Gym became my next calling. I’m two and a half years sober now. haven’t touched a cigarette or a drink since that day.
I feel like i’ve got my life back, devoid of these demonic intoxications. without them, I have clarity. i have come to realise that this life’s journey is far greater than these vengeful juices and toxic smoke. I don’t have an inclination towards them anymore. I don’t even feel like trying them. I am now able to even be around people that drink. when am offered I politely decline. Some might think it rude, but they haven’t seen what I have seen, or been through what I have been through.
I believe first and foremost one has to love oneself. That will breed the change they seek, if they seek it.